So i had my 6 weeks appt today...and they got all the test results back from Alexis's autopsy and stuff. I am soooooo angry. They didnt find a damn freakin thing. They said she just died....ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! BABIES DONT JUST FREAKIN DIE!!!!!!
Then they told me that some of the tests were inconculsive because she had been gone for 24hrs....well when i went to the hospital she hadnt been gone for 24hrs but bc they made me wait and induce labor instead of taking her by c-section...they couldnt get answers from the DAMN TESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also my little girl was breach and this had been bugging me so i asked the doctor today....So she was breach but the Physicians Assistant had been saying all along that she was head down....and bc of her size and my size the dr said that there is no way she turned herself around....so she had been breach....meaning they should have tried to turn her after like 36weeks from the outside and if by 38wks she hadnt turned they would have scheduled a c-section...before i was 39wks.......she died the day i turned 39wks....So your telling me that id the P.A. Hadnt FUDGED UP AND SAID THAT SHE WAS HEAD DOWN...THAT I MAY NOT HAVE LOST HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WTF
so to comfort my anger my dr said she may have been delivered alive but then she may have still died...they have no way of knowing
I know i shouldnt dwell on the what if's....but that is one heck of a freakin what if!!!!!!!!!!
Now my doctor told us we can get pregnant again anytime after March...but the week after we lost Alexis he said we had to wait until Sept......I am sooo glad we pay doctors a shitload and they go to school for so long to give us no damn answers....i did everything right...everything i was supposed to do and not to do... So how is it that babies from people that didnt know...or did stuff they werent supposed to were fine...those babies lived....WTF is up with that....i dont get it. She was perfect...the stupid doctors even said they couldnt find anything wrong....so why did she have to die? WHY? WHY? WHY? AHHHHHHGGGGGGGGG Idk how i will ever have a baby...or get pregnant again...not knowing why my little girl died
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