Everything is getting harder...i guess thats what everyone said was supposed to happen....things get harder before they get easier...right? It will be 2 months since Alexis died on Thursday, and i miss her more and more every day. I see babies and as long as they are boys i can somehow hold it together and just smile and think about her, but if they are girls....i have to walk away, get away, run...away...or i fall apart. I want a baby soooo bad, before i was okay with waiting until September, but now....now i just want to be pregnant again, feel a babymove inside me, know that this time the doctors will give me the child i so desperately want. They said we could try in May...but I can't convince my husband.....he still wants to wait until September. I guess its different for him, he is prolly scared that something will happen to me or that it we will lose another baby....but for me this waiting is killing me. I just want a baby....And now i found out that someone very close to me is pregnant and i am...for lack of a better word...jealous. It is really starting to bother me. My sleeping problem is back....i guess i cant do this....i need some help....looks like im going to take the doctors advice....i tried really hard todo this naturally....but not now....not with all of the new developments.....ughhhh
I WANT A BABY! I WANT A BABY!!! I WANT A BABY!! I WANT A BABY!!! I WANT A BABY!
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